I never thought that I’d write an article like this. My journey with food my weight is a very private matter for me. But I feel that my story may help other people on their journey.
When I was 14 I was in and out of hospitals all the time. I had all these weird symptoms and no one knew why. At long last they diagnosed me with being allergic to fats. They said I couldn’t break them down. No follow up. No session with a nutritionist. Just, “you’re allergic to fats, have a nice day”.
As a typical A-Type I took that to heart. Fat = being ill. So I label check like a mother f%#&er. I would eat nothing with fat in it. I never cheated. I didn’t want to get sick.
I lost weight quick and then everyone kept telling me how great I looked. My athletic body has become quite thin, and these new compliments really messed with my head. I developed anorexia. My physical situation had become mental.
I exercised like crazy and ate fat too little. I got under 90 pounds. Something clicked...that was too thin.
As much as I wanted to gain weight, I was also terrified. The only thing that helped me overcome my anorexia was the Empower Thyself class I took with the Modern Mystery School. My anorexia went away overnight! But that meant I gained almost 60 pounds in one year. For someone just overcoming anorexia that was challenging for me. But I never relapsed. I stayed healthy and focused on self love, buy of course I wanted to lose that extra weight. I didn’t want to be 90 but I felt uncomfortable in my body.
I was an entrepreneur and just starting my healing practice. There was no money for naturopaths or supplements. I had enough for the basics. And so I kept doing the only thing I knew to do - I only ate the most bland, healthiest diet and I exercised A LOT! I did this for years!! But I wasn’t working on the mind. I wasn’t working on acceptance.
When I moved in with Yoana (my bestie) she watched me and she said, Sarah, you gotta ask yourself, “can I accept myself if morning about me changed?” I didn’t have an answer. As a self development junkie that had never occurred to me. I really thought about it. I thought about a lot of things about me, including my weight. And I worked until I softened, and I said honestly, “body, if morning changes about you I am really happy with how you are”. And I stopped working out for a whole year. I started eating my favourite junk foods and I rested. I indulged in relaxing yoga, naps and FUN! So much fun! If any of you know Yoana, it was the greatest joy to get to spend so much time with her. She taught me that success is balance. And that you achieve more by being and doing. So I rested, I had fun, I didn’t deny. And not it a “well I worked out all week so I deserve this”. No no no no no. I listened to my body. I gave it what it wanted. I could now afford a naturopath and I launched into a strategy to health.
And I lost a ton of weight. Not even by trying. But instead by focusing on loving myself and finding balance. And by focusing on JOY!!
My body started healing. My hormones started balancing. I knew when I was full. I didn’t overeat, but I didn’t deny. I knew what foods my body wanted, and what it didn’t.
And I could finally fight the voices in my head. The negative ego still tries to make me judge myself, but now it’s as simple to stop as it is to tune the volume off during commercials.
Weight loss, business success, relationships - they are not always about ‘pushing through’. Sometimes it is about softening, resting and letting in. Some people need that kick in the ass, and the others need to actually rest to see results in their lives. Acceptance of yourself is key. If you keep judging yourself that it is the energy you put into the universe (and your magnetic field) and this is what you will continue creating in your life. But if you accept where you are, you can actually change. It’s the bizarrest thing but it works.
I hope this story helps a few of you out there.