Journal of a Major Life Shift: Part II - The Edge of Fear


So, here you are, aware that you want something more out of life. Craving adventure, purpose, passion. Wanting that reason to not only drag yourself out of bed in the morning, but to jump out, eager for the day and its experiences. Asking yourself maybe, “Why aren’t all people at this place?”


That voice in your head created from years of “no’s”, “what if’s” and “aren’t you concerned about’s”. Call it fear, call it doubt, but most times, you will hear it disguised as reason. Yes, reason does have it’s place, but too often the borders of reason are expanded by years of conditioning to harbour fear and doubt. You will often hear stories of wildly successful people, and how they dropped out of college/high school/got fired from multiple jobs/had literally no money and were barely scraping by. If you aren’t familiar with this scenario; Richard Branson dropped out at 15, as did Quentin Tarantino. Mark Zuckerberg dropped out of Harvard. Elon Musk dropped out of Stanford and lived off of $1 a day for food. Michael Jordan got cut from his High School basketball team. Shania Twain, Tom Cruise, Celine Dion, Jim Carey, Leonardo DiCaprio and Oprah Winfrey all grew up in poverty. All of these individuals, and many more like them - who have become successes - have defied reason, have gone against what most people would classify as the standard method to attain success. Go to school, get a job in your current social class, get a house, start a family, retire. 

Life is found on the borders of safety.

How then do people break out? What is the difference between these successes and the homeless? Because that is the fear, right? That is the understanding…that if you don’t follow tradition, if you step out of “the norm” and defy reason, you will end up homeless. You might. I’m not going to sit here and tell you to jump off a cliff and expect not to fall. “Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?”* What if you soar? The traditional path of life is a path of comfort and safety. Which is why a great many people have what is commonly referred to as a mid-life crisis. This occurs when one has gone down a path, and have come to a realization that they have sacrificed who they are and what they really want for this life of comfort. Drastic changes involving such things as extravagant sports cars, affairs, addictions..actions of insecurities/fear resulting from a life of acting out of fear. The further you go down a path that is not yours - a life lived based on what you think you should be or what you let others tell you what you should be - the more work it will take to get to know your self..your true self. And the scarier that leap into the unknown will be.

Here, on the borders of fear, reason stemming from tradition, and the unknown, you still feel this yearning for something more. You want to make your move but are scared. This is normal. You can push this feeling aside and go on with your life… but it will not go away. Consider the story of the princess and the pea. Something seemingly insignificant, buried under a mountain of comfort still causes restlessness. Let that sink in for a moment.

I will use myself for the example here, and share past the point of my previous comfort. I received my Life Activation, which gave me a glimpse of my potential. From there, I went for a Full Spirit Activation - both on a feeling that I had to try something new. I booked a spot in the Empower Thyself class after some reluctance…after all, for those who know my story already, I again had said “I’m fine, I don’t need this”. BUT - in the teachings of metaphysics - you are taught to empty your cup of knowledge. Only then are you able to receive. My cup was full. I thought I knew everything, and therefore wasn’t ready to move forward with my knowledge of Self. But I did. I took a leap into something that did not make sense…did not abide by conventional logic, and wow! Now, as with everything else in life, you get what you give. I gave effort to the tools I received in that class, and was rewarded with a powerful, albeit subtle, transformation. The most noticeable of which, for those of you unfamiliar with my story, was sobriety. Relief from addiction was something I had needed for some time. Not that I was unable to hold a job, or was shunned by friends and loved ones.. quite the opposite. I was a ‘functioning addict’, and was in a gradual decline where I was getting further and further from who I was. There were times where I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. That seems so foreign to me now, yet the recollection gave me chills. 

But, I digress. I took the leap, received these amazing tools, took responsibility and started to change my life. I wasn’t done. This isn’t typical for everyone, as everyone has different comfort levels, needs and wants..and that is fine! There is nothing wrong with getting what you need to help yourself live a better life, and going on with your path, however that looks! Personally, I needed to know more. I have a thirst for knowledge, and through the Modern Mystery School, I stumbled upon a bottomless well that goes back to King Solomon - King Solomon the Wise. Now, even if you solely get a Life Activation, or Life and Full Spirit Activation, or stop after completing the Empower Thyself class, you will notice a difference in your life. This is not a fad, some fleeting pop culture catch phrase. This is not ‘fast food’. These processes unlock potential within you, and will continue to work long after the session has ended. They take effort, time and patience. I wanted to continue onward, to push myself towards and then beyond my point of comfort in my quest for deeper self knowledge and transformation. I applied to take on the path of the Warrior, to accept a deeper responsibility for myself, my energy and my actions. After this class (and again, these results are not typical), my eyesight which had been progressively getting worse to the point where I had to wear glasses/contacts was 100%. I came back home to rest, went to stream a movie, and could read the description across the room without corrective lenses.

I continued onwards. I signed up for the 10 month Kabbalah program where you progress up the Tree of Life, every month of which you are immersed in the energy of that particular aspect of the Tree. This is an unparalleled experience where you shed aspects of your story that don’t serve you. “Cutting through your bullshit” to put it bluntly. I started this program with $.10 in my bank account (a deeply Kabbalistic number, strangely enough) but talk about taking a leap past fear. Again, I was rewarded with a life-changing experience which has carried on long after saying my goodbyes to my classmates - now fellow Kabbalists. And, I was completely fine. In fact, I am in a better place now than I was before I laid everything out, and was completely beyond what many would call reason. Life is found on the borders of safety. To expand on that statement further, I am sure that you have heard it said that everyone is alive, but fewer live. And, here I am again - going beyond the borders of reason - taking 2 weeks off work from a job I have just started to become a certified Healer, and Guide. Able to share the classes in this story (except Kabbalah) with those who feel called to finding out who they are, what they are truly capable of when they step beyond what they know and can understand with the rational mind, and living their best life. 

But I’m still not finished. Onward, and upwards.